Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
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