I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
last night I used snow as a chaser
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
