so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize