She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Randomize
