; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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