Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Randomize
