so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
