I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
