is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
