operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
i came on her dog
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
