Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
