I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize