our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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