I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
