Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
