Michael Bay diarrhea
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
You pole danced in your parka.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
i am craving dick and cupcakes
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
