Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
