i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
