would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
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