Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Randomize
