I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I am naked and annoyed.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Randomize
