i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
the condom got lost in my hair
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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