ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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