I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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