my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
