At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Randomize
