Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
