Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Randomize
