I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Are we still banned from the library?
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
