I cannot find my penis.
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Randomize
