Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Randomize
