Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
