...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
