Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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