I am in a vortex of obligation.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
