I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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