just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
he fucked my hip out of place.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Randomize
