When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
