you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Randomize