i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
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