life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
