Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
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