i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
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