I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
