Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
