well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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