there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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