he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
