Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
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