Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
