If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
