Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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