During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
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