I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
