Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
