I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Randomize
