This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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