The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
