You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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