i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Randomize
