I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Acid is not a monday night drug
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
I love having hate sex.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
