you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
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