we're blogging at a bar
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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