Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Randomize
