She said her name was "party"
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
