BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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