Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Randomize
