i just sold back the books i vomitted on
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Randomize
