end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Buhtt sex?
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
