I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
