I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
