using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
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