i think i have two assholes
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
