Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize