wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
