Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
