new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
She bit a glass in half.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Randomize
