Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
i out mim tonsoeep
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