Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
he shaved USA in his pubs
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
