We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize
