drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
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