Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
