Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
