He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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