I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize