I'm passing your future prison.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize
