Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Randomize
