i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Randomize
