I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
Welp...herpes.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Drunk is not a location!
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