we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
My breasts were aching with rage.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize
