i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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