yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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