I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
wanna go halves on a baby?
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Randomize
