woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
