And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
