I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Randomize
